Living Life on Life’s Terms

It’s all about perception.

Hey all.. I hope that you are all shiny and well and that you have been kicking major arse on whatever you got going on.  I want to apologize for falling off the radar for the last couple months… it seems all writing and reading without working a solid program and keeping myself in a good place left me kind of angry and hostile.

But I am back.  I just found a new sponsor last night.. I have seen her around for a little while and I really like what she has.  I also discovered al-anon.  I went to my first ever meeting of that sort Wednesday night and just… wow.  It’s amazing the things we realize when we shut up and really listen.

So, here is what I discovered in the last couple months while adjusting to living life on life’s terms.

  • I have no control over anyone.
  • I can’t tell people what to do; I can make suggestions.
  • If something/someone makes me feel bad, I need to see my part in it FIRST, and then take action.

Seeing my part in all the stuff that has happened to me has really done wonders.  At first, I blamed everyone for my life.  Right down to my children!  How crazy is that?  When I realized that I have a part in how people treat me (how I let them treat me) and that I can stand up for myself…man, let me just say:  HUGE EXHALE.

Children are innocent victims of their circumstances, but as we grow older there comes a point in which we become responsible for our lives….

Living Life on Life’s Terms:  Life just keeps on happening.  It doesn’t stop.  There is no Pause or Rewind button.  There is no: “wait, this can’t happen to me!  I’m not ready!”

There are two choices:  either change the circumstances or change the self.  If we don’t change the self, chances are we’ll wind up back in similar circumstances.

Thanks for letting me share.  Enjoy your weekend!

Advertisements

Comments

  1. What a great reminder for us all!

  2. Hey Darlene
    Glad you’re getting back on track.
    It’s hard to remember that for someone to make you feel worse, you have to be complicit in it, you have to decide to let them tell you what you are. A lot of power to give someone else – and they will likely misuse it.
    Years ago – when in post divorce therapy for self esteem issues – my therapist asked how many people needed to say something negative about me for me to believe it. And then she asked me how many needed to say something positive before I believed it. As you can guess, a bit of an imbalance there. And I realized it was a trick question, I didn’t need anyone to say it before I believed it. Yes, it’s nice to have validation from people close to us who we respect, and we can take constructive criticism from them too. But – it’s our choice.
    I’m looking forward to ROW80 – phase 3. And focusing on my 2 drafts, my outline for the next one, and my short stories. And some non-writing goals too! Looking forward to chatting more with writing friends I have made in ROW80 and on Facebook – such as you.
    Keep up the good fight, and remember that while it’s all really up to you, we’re here for you too – only a few key-clicks away.

    • hey Mike – I love that your therapist asked you that question! It is so true… I was cursed with those types of beliefs for years… Good luck with your ROW goals!

  3. Nice to hear from you again.It’s hard to realise you have zero control over other people’s behaviour but I like to recite The Serenity Prayer in my head from time to time and that helps.

    • Ha ha… the Serenity Prayer… I say it several times a day and especially when things are not going my way. It has an instant calming affect. Thanks for commenting, Emma.

  4. Joanna Aislinn says:

    Hey, Darlene! My sunflowers started blooming early this year–every time I look at that ‘wall’ of flowers I think of you and your desktop, lol. Missed your posts, too.

    Glad you’re feeling better and found someone to help you through another phase. You’ve entered a 12-step place that has the potential to change you in ways you might never have fathomed otherwise. Promise you the journey’s worth it. Not only does living life on life’s terms bring tremendous amounts of peace, it truly helps with another line a fellow 12-stepper told me: “God writes a script for our lives. I don’t have to like it but I do have to live it.”

    Here are some more photos for you. Took them earlier this week, before the sunflowers took off. I’ll be posting more of those soon too 🙂

    http://joannaaislinn.wordpress.com/2012/06/25/some-jff-photos-to-start-off-the-week/

  5. There are two choices: either change the circumstances or change the self.
    This was my big revelation this week. I’ve understood it generally before, but sometimes it can take me an awfully long time to apply general knowledge to specific circumstances.

    I’m glad you’re back, and back on track!

  6. Yay you and congrats on owning it. That’s pretty big.

  7. Good to see you!
    I gave up on changing people long ago. I realized I can only control my own decisions and have to respect everyone else’s even if I don’t always agree. That must be a huge load off your mind! Congrats on getting on track with your new sponsor. You can do it!

  8. Glad you’re back. I was thinking about you last night, wondering where you were. I’m glad you found a new sponsor and back in a good spot.

  9. chrissy50 says:

    Glad you got back on track and found a new sponsor who speaks to you! Your blog is amazing. Keep keepin’ on. 🙂
    -Chris

What's on your mind?

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: