So, March is National Brain Injury Awareness Month (I just found this out yesterday). Let’s add that to the seemingly endless list of “celebratory months of awareness.” This one hits me at a personal level, however, because in 1996 I suffered a brain injury as a result of an overdose and almost died.
Now some people would say, “big freaking deal, you od’d!” Well, the thing about it is that I did not want to wake up from an intentional overdose that I told no one about. There was no letter, no teary-eyed phone calls.
I was twenty-three years old, frightened and disgusted. I did not want to wake up.
But I did wake up. I woke up and have been a different person since then. I am not sure exactly what day I woke up as I have no recollection of any events immediately preceding my overdose, my hospital stay or my journey home. I only know what my family tells me and then the snippets of flashbacks that float into my head from time to time.
My family told me it happened on July 19, 1996. My 6-year-old daughter Sarah found my dead body. 911 was called and EMT’s worked on me for thirty minutes before they felt a pulse. I was rushed to Frankford Hospital in Philadelphia and apparently was in a coma. I don’t remember. Sometimes I think I remember, but then I realize that I remember what people have told me over the years, and in some warped sense those stories become twisted false memories.
I have a brain injury. So at times I have issues with differentiating fact from fiction. I have issues remembering things period.
When I overdosed (and died) I was not getting oxygen to my brain. This affected the part of my brain that holds my short-term memory. My long-term memory is intact, but my short-term memory is forever scarred. If I can get information from my short-term to my long-term, I have it forever.
But that is the trick. Getting from the short to the long.
I can’t remember:
- people’s names.
- what I read.
- what people said.
- grocery lists.
- how I got where I am.
- how to get home.
- and tons of other crap that I forgot.
Now, this is par for the course for a lot of people. But not for me. It was never for me. And now it is and some days I am fine and other days mortified because I feel like an ass.
I once wandered around the parking lot of the Willow Grove Mall for an hour because I could not find my car.
I once wandered around the floor of the Pep Boys Headquarters for almost an hour because I couldn’t find my cubicle.
I once drove around aimlessly for two hours because I got lost, stopped to ask for directions, and got lost again.
The list goes on and on, like I said. But of course I forget all that stuff and I don’t remember anything unless it’s in my long-term memory or by association.
These days, I am a little better. The doctors told me to do brain strengthening exercises like puzzles, reading, writing and stuff. I write a lot and the other stuff I do, well, when I remember.
Do you know anyone that survived a brain injury?
- Brain Injury: My Road To Recovery – ‘Time Is Of The Essence’ (boston.cbslocal.com)
- Tennessee Department of Health says Brain Injury can happen Anytime, Anywhere to Anyone (clarksvilleonline.com)
- Brain Injury Ti… (uniquenotoriginal.wordpress.com)