Day 2 – Pretending

Attraction

Attraction (Photo credit: Scott.Paterson)

“One of the best ways to uncover some of those long-hidden wants is to pretend.”

Yes!  This is a fancy way of saying, “Fake it until you make it.”  And why shouldn’t we?  A few years back I read “The Secret” which is all about the Law of Attraction.

Whatever your predominant thoughts are, you best believe that stuff is going to happen. Don’t believe me?  Have you ever driven to work (running late of course) and all that is on your mind is awful traffic along with foxhole prayers for no red lights?  And what happens?  Red lights and crazy traffic. UGH.

Yeah, I’ve been there, too!

Sometimes I envision great things for myself.  No, I still haven’t woken up looking like Julia Roberts, but I have noticed that when I pretend things are going to turn out awesome, they almost always do.

Sometimes I pretend that I am a bigtime writer for Rolling Stone magazine.  While that hasn’t happened yet, I am now writing about music for three websites.  Am I getting paid? Nope!  But I have my eye on the prize and I am loving what I am doing.

Have you ever tried positive thinking?  How did it work out for you?

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Keeping It Real

serenity

serenity (Photo credit: dragonflaiii)

So I was watching the Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN) this morning and there were all these fascinating episodes that dealt with “self.” Like, how we treat the self, how outside events impact the self and so much stuff I went out and bought a book by one of the people Oprah was interviewing.  “The Untethered Soul” by Michael A. Singer.  The book is to liberate us from a contained self-image.

Based solely on the interview, the information I gathered from the show and snippets of the book I scanned, I have hope that this book will break me through my final barrier… me.

I have always tried to keep it real.  I’ve tried to remain grounded in all I do, say or feel along with trying to be there for anyone who crosses my life path. But there are these things, these feelings, that get in the way on a consistent basis.  And when I let my head get the best of me, I am no longer keeping it real per say, but getting sucked into a myopic array of disillusionment which takes me back to that dark room of self-loathing.

Yeah, pretty messed up stuff.  The more messed up part of all this crap is that I project this putrid bile onto other human beings.  Instead of just being in a moment or looking at things for what they are, I tend to read deeper into whatever is going on and then I project my thoughts, insecurities and the like others.

This leads to:

  • self-doubt
  • self-loathing
  • insecurity
  • feeling less than
  • depression
  • self-sabotage
  • resentment

That is a pretty hefty list of awful feelings, ideals and all around yuckiness.

Lately, I have been way up in my head.  This is a tough place for me when I am trying to live a life of peace.  My head is not peaceful.  It is constantly chattering, whispering and telling me rotten things.  I believe these things.  I give my thoughts weight and that is when the horrible list above comes into play.  I used to drink and drug to get rid of these thoughts and feelings.  Drinking and drugging is not an option for me.

This is why I bought the book.  My thoughts (and yours) are so automatic, I never question them.  You’ve heard the saying, “I think, therefore I am.” UGH!!! How awful is that? I certainly do not want to be what I think!  My twelve-step program helps ( a lot!) but lately I just feel like I need an added tool.

As I go through this book (highlighting sentences and paragraphs like I always do) I will be updating my blog with what I have learned and if any of it is making sense.  It made sense on Oprah’s show, therefore, I am sure it will make sense.

Also, I signed up for 21 Day Meditation Challenge.  It is free and looks like a lot of fun.  Check it out!

How do you battle your demons?

A – Z Challenge ~ Y is for You

Image: xdwebsolutions.com

That’s right.  You.  Y is all about you.  You are the most important thing. It’s you baby. You are what you eat. You give love a bad name.

I mean, how many times has it been about someone else?  You are always sacrificing for your family, your job, your pets, your writing… the list goes on!

So today – make it all about you.  If you can’t do it today, do it in the next week or two.

Find a place to go, even if it is in your own back yard, and just make it about you.

Start a page in your journal or online diary (I use Penzu – love it!) and make it all about you.  What do you want?  What would you do if there were no consequences? Where would you live if you had the choice? What is your dream job?

These are questions that should get you on a track to questioning your intent in life and really get your head spinning.  I  mean, there is only one you.  You should be nice to you.  It is so important to value yourself, if you don’t, no one else will.

Every day, I try to ask myself a hard question.

Questions like:

If this was the last day of your life, would you wan to live it this way?

If helping someone out meant a slight inconvenience, would you still help them?

It is amazing how much we get back when we give just a little.

So make today all about you.

Journal prompt for the day:

What does a day ALL ABOUT YOU look like?

Going With The Row (80.. that is)

I feel so much better when I achieve my goals!  My WIP progress is coming along slow but steady.  It took an unexpected turn and I liked it so I went with it. 🙂

I did not make it down to Philly this weekend.

Since it is Sunday, that means a lot of football!  I’ve already had a delicious lunch (home-made chicken pot pie).

I watched a lot of documentaries yesterday.  Now, my WIP progress is not documentary related.  However, I felt like watching documentaries really gave me some great ideas for characters.

I made my goals of word count, reading/commenting blogs and blog posts last week.  Since I did good, I will continue my pace the same.  The only difference is that I am working 2 extra shifts this week at the store.

How is everyone else coming along with their goals?

Happy ROWing!

Faceless

I was terrified.  My instructor had asked me to give my report orally.  Was she insane?  She must be.  Anyone that knew me knew I was terrified of public speaking.  I had battled my fear since I was seven when my mother made me get up in front of the family at a reunion and sing “Mary Had A Little Lamb.”

I stood there in the pink, ruffled dress that I loathed while dozens of eyes pierced my own.  I was shaking as I corralled the tears behind my eyelids. Then my mother said those devastating words:

“Come on, Lisa.  Everyone is looking at you! “

I opened my mouth, but the words “Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb!” did not fall from my nervous lips.

Vomit.

All over my shoes, my pretty pink socks.

“Lisa?” The instructor’s hoarse voice snapped me back from my nightmare.

“Huh?” I retorted in a daze.

“Lisa, your report.  Please.”

I shifted in my seat as I chanted positive affirmations in my head like “you can do this!” and “boo yah!” and “don’t puke dumbass!”

I stood slowly and looked around.  There they were; those nasty eyes like a giant thirty four-eyed lizard slithering its forked tongue at me. They belonged to my seventeen classmates.  I wanted to hiss at them as I curled up in the corner.

At the podium, I adjusted the microphone awkwardly.  Surely my innate microphone positioning would send my speaking over the top!

I panned the classroom.  But no one was looking back at me.  There were no faces!  I was looking at seventeen people without faces.

“What?” I heard myself whisper in the hushed room.

“Lisa,” my instructors voice again.

Wait, I thought. If they can’t see me, then they can’t hear me!

I did a virtual happy dance as I cleared my throat.

“Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb! Mary had a little lamb whose fleece was white as snow!  Everywhere that Mary went, that lamb was sure to follow!”

I beamed.  I did it!

After a brief silence, the class erupted.

“What the hell was that?” one man scoffed.

“Where’s your white dress, Mary?” another girl mocked.

They heard me! Oh no!

I squeezed my eyes shut and covered my ears.  “Shut up!  Shut up!”

The air fell silent.  My eyes creaked open to see the faceless class.  The instructor stood in the back, faceless as well.

I gave my report, clapped for myself and sat down.

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