Out With the Old – A Time to Reflect

Reflect

Reflect (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

As 2012 comes to a close… I have looked through my Penzu journal, gone through old notebooks and basically stepped back and looked at the canvas of my life.  It hasn’t exactly been a spectacular year… but then it has been a spectacular year.  I fell down a cliff on a quad, I celebrated six years of sobriety in May, I started going to Al-Anon (which changed my life!) and I ended a six year, toxic relationship never dreaming that I’d enter into a new relationship with a man who I am pretty sure was made just for me.

I read somewhere that when we order up the life we want to exact specifications, we just might get it.  Well, I seem to be on my way.

The Old:

Procrastination – Insecurity – Self-loathing – Laziness – Self-doubt – feeling unworthy in most situations.  Ahhh.. those old ugly beliefs and bad thoughts that I wish I could beat with a hammer.  However, thoughts are not tangible so I have to beat them with positive thinking!

The New:

Get it done! I am beautiful! I can and will prevail! Successful author!  I have to fake it ’til I make it – and my advice to all of you is to do the same.  Faking it ’til we make it is like a mental affirmation of determination that only we know about.  It kinda goes along with that whole “The Secret” thing.  Trust me – it freaking works.

How about you? What is your out with the old, in with the new for the coming year?

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Resolutions and Dead Squirrels

Yep.  That time when we reflect on the previous 364 days and say things  like, “Man.. I should have kept up with the gym.” OR “Wow, if only I’d have saved that two dollars a day like I wanted to!” Or, my favorite: “What the hell have I done all year?”

Well, I went to the gym about 1/16 as much as I wanted to.  I didn’t save ANY money this year.  I didn’t start the “Stop Roadkill Squirrels” foundation like I wanted to.  The amount of squirrel carcasses in the middle of roads sickens me.  How could you people? There were a few problems with starting my foundation, the first one being I am the only person who really gives a crap about dead squirrels (and other furry road kill) except my children.

It's You Or Me, Squirrel!

Yes, I instilled the “it doesn’t matter if your head goes into the dashboard – save the damn squirrel!” mantra into my beautiful children.  It is so bad that when I am driving down the road and I see a lifeless lump up ahead, I say things like, “That better not be a squirrel!”  Sometimes it isn’t a dead squirrel (or cat, or raccoon, or possum) to which I shout “yay!” Other times, it is and I say things like, “Good job, a-hole.  What did that poor squirrel do to you?” and yes, I am actually in my car, alone, when I say these things. Or with my children who stare out the windshield with lifeless eyes, pretending they don’t hear me.  But I know they do.

Yes, people have asked me if I have had a psychiatric evaluation. Yes, I have had one.  The doctors laughed nervously and told me I was “a-okay Ms. Steelman!”

So THIS year I am doing it different.  I am making a list of things I want to do over the course of my life.  Kind of like a Pushing 39 Bucket List.  The catch is I have to do two a year.  If I do more than that well then I will just give myself a Scratch N Sniff Sticker, a cup of coffee and hug a squirrel.

So the 2012 Kick in the Ass To Do List so far is…

  • Ski. (going on January 1st – hee hee)
  • Get published.
  • Go to the freaky deaky womba bomba GYM. (I have a hard time with this one due to the slacker gene passed down through my family for centuries – thanks Mom & Dad!)

That’s pretty much it for now.  Now.. I am hoping the skiing goes well. I like trees, but not much into moshing with them.

Got any exciting plans for 2012?  😀

December aka Starting New Before the Newness Starts!

Yep!  It is December.  That time of year for Christmas Present shopping, holiday baking and beating our heads against the wall as we deal with traffic, crowds, whiny kids (most times not our own) and trying to figure out how to hold it together for the last four weeks of the year.

What is with the self-inflicted pain you ask…. All those “I am going to do so many new things in 2011!”

  • I’m gonna lose fifteen ten five some pounds!
  • I’m gonna get something published!
  • I’m going to spend more time with my family!
  • I’m going to quit smoking!
  • I’m going to throw out donate everything in my closet that I no longer wear.

THIS is my ground breaking idea.  Ok, it’s not ground breaking, but it is definitely new to me.

Instead of starting my New Year’s Resolutions in January 2012…………….  I am starting them in December 2011!

*shaking my butt with joy* (kinda like a puppy – only not as cute).

On a realistic, non-insane note… I have been doing this journal, free writing thing that is giving me loads of ideas for new books.

It fits well with my dream.  Published author, household name, etc. etc.

Happy writing/blogging/dreaming!

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